Observations of a Missionary’s Wife on Deputation (The Snarky Ones) ;)

Observations of a Missionary’s Wife on Deputation (The Snarky Ones) ;)

SEP 3

Posted by juniorsgirl

I think every blogger has the right to a completely random post every now and again. If that is not true, please leave me in my state of wrongness. For these are mine.

I am breaking my randomness up into two posts. Both are my “observations” or “tips” on deputation. This one is the sarcastic & silly one. I don’t even know if anyone will read this, but to the faithful few, I ask to please remember the spirit this was written in. Just a cute way to poke fun of some of my mistakes & experiences. Hope you enjoy…

Random Observations:

1.) You will have to go to the bathroom immediately upon seeing the highway sign: ” Next Rest Area: 119 miles.” Be prepared for an extended time of discomfort. **Adult diapers could also be a way to go in this situation. Not for me…but to each her own.

2.) Churches need to get some type of activities director so when we get together we have things to do besides…EAT!!! Until that happens, buy clothes two sizes too big. You will fit them by month eight. <<< True. Story.

3.) When taking a nice hot shower, without fail the prophet’s chamber hot water heater will break as soon as your head is covered in shampoo suds. You can count on it. Take it to the bank.

4.) On the few occasions the pastor calls you up to the platform, you WILL trip on something invisible and stumble. Don’t try to fight it. Just fall gracefully & with a smile preferably.

5.) Somewhere along mile 4,628, you will start playing those car games that used to drive you crazy when your parents tried to play them with you on family vacations. Now you will wonder why you ever despised them. Thy are such a fun way to pass the time.

6.) You will start collections of some kind. Whether magnets in the shapes of every state, t-shirts with every state’s motto printed on them (I.e. “Iowa is thee I-O-WAY to go), or 50 keychains attached to your two keys…whatever your momentos may be – you will have so many, there will no longer be room for your luggage. *It’s usually the husband’s stuff that gets cut back so your three suitcases for your shoes are safe.

7.) You will wake up and have NO idea where you are. On the days you have traveled through multiple states, it gets confusing! If this happens, you can do one of the following: if there’s a tv where you are, check the news. They usually say the city name; if no tv, and you have good reception, check Google on your smartphone. It can pinpoint your location. *creepy. I know. But at least you won’t be lost anymore. If no reception and no tv, pray. Pray that someone around you says the name of where you are before you meet the pastor.

8.) Plans will change!!! Suddenly you wont be going to relax at a hotel, you will be speaking at a ladies meeting. Always keep a back-up pair of nylons handy. You will need them for when you run the first pair while changing in the car. Scratch that. Have TWO back-ups. Trust Me.

9.) YOU WILL SING. Can’t carry a tune in a bucket? You will sing. Have excrutiating stage fright? You will sing. Have laryngitis? Just croak it out, sister! I suggest carrying music with you. Something you are somewhat familiar & comfortable with because ~ you. will. sing.

10.) After about church # 37, you will have your video & your husband’s presentation memorized. Try not to mouth the words along with him or the video. People will notice and will ask you to quote it later in front of a large crowd. Just for kicks & grins. <<< Another. True. Story.

I wanted to put a after all of these so you would remember to read them in the attitude intended, but I didn’t want to over- emoticon you. Hope these brought at least a smirk to your face! Life is so hard if you can’t laugh at yourself!!!

Stay tuned for “The Serious Ones.” Coming Soon! Happy Weekend!

Love ~ Jessica

**You can see all of Jessica's posts on her blog http://happytrails365.wordpress.com